Friday, February 11, 2011

I thought that ♥ would last forever long; I was wrong.

Funeral Blues

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.


The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W.H. Auden

I'm not a great fan of poetry but this has been a poem that keeps me to keep loving since I've read this when I was in 3rd year HS. To keep loving as if you'll never get hurt in the end. To keep loving as if you're not expecting anything in return. But most of all, to keep loving because you deserve to be loved by someone else who will never leave you.

Today, I have written on our make-shift "freedom wall" in guidance class of all the worries, tensions, stress, happiness, loneliness, and heartbreaks. These were the 4 statements I placed on the wall:
-Pa-fall, paasa, pa-flirt. -Heartbreaker
-Isang letter lang ang wala sa periodic table.
- Worth-saving with a X mark on top of it.
- PharChem Lecture notes with the ♥ that surrounds it.

I'm sad, stubborn, disappointed, grieving *almost*, angry *almost*, an
d intentionally ignoring someone. I've been feeling that this should have ended even before but I keep holding on waiting for something good to happen. There's no progress and I doubt his assurance. I am not judgmental about the person of whatever his mistake was. I am not falling for another person. I just have to let the person go, slowly; trying to unease the pain and just ignoring it, escaping from the pain and the ♥breaks I'd feel.

Valentine's Day is almost here. Someone just asked me to go out on Feb 14. I said yes without being "hard to get." I'm always straightforward, if I say yes, it's a yes. If I say no, it's a no. I don't hastily change my decisions, I stand firm on what I have said. I'm hoping for a good one, since this is going to be my first real V-day thingy. I don't call it a date either.

PS. If you're answer seems to be a no for me, I do not reconsider making it sound like a yes to me. 'Cause in the end, I'll be the one left alone without pride. Pride over anything else, not unless I have decided to surrender it for the so-called blatant ♥.



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